Just when everything seems set in stone for my arrival at IADT in October..they throw another curveball. All summer I've been dealing with various frustrations from the financial aid office--the main issue being their failure of disclosing the proper deadlines for forms to be returned. And I think I'm at my wits end here. I have to take out a private loan to pay for the tuition () and have someone cosign the loan. Who the hell is going to cosign it? (I've asked my Aunt, but I have very little hope for that actually happening.)

This is extremely depressing, and very upsetting. I've wanted to be a fashion designer since I was...what? Seven? Yeah. I've wanted to attend a fashion design school since high school. I've had my heart set on it for, like, ever. Just ask anyone who really knows me. (Granted, they are few and far between, but that's a different issue.) I just don't understand how it could be this close to my reality yet not actually happen. It isn't fair, and I know life isn't fair. But I've already had a hell of a summer (and I don't mean that in a good way)...I'd really like something not so hellish to happen for me. Is that so wrong?

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I'm excited! I just booked my first audition for a student film at Full Sail in here Orlando. Yay! I could not be more excited, and apparently there isn't a whole lot of competition. Apparently the part I'm reading for isn't getting a lot of attention by fellow actors in the area except for a bunch of women in their 30's who are too old to play the part in the first place (I assume, based on the directors comments.) He said only me and one other girl were in the age range he was looking for for the part, so I have only one other competitor that I know of for this role. Gah, I'm so excited! My audition's on Sept 20, and if I'm cast rehearsals will be in October although I don't think filming starts until January. And they're all on the weekends, which means I'll still be able to go to school in Tampa whilst filming in Winter Park/Orlando. Yay!! Please pray that everything works out in my favor for this, so that I can continue getting an education and earn a little bit of money. (It's a low-budget film, but there is still a little bit of pay for the actors involved. Definite plus!)

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So...my sister and her boyfriend were planning on moving to New York next week. Well, I guess Jason (Kaiti's boyfriend) got a call last night about a job offer in New Port Richey, so they're going to possibly move there instead. It'd be a lot cheaper, and a lot more convenient for not just the two of them, but for the rest of our family as well. My mom kind-of joked this morning about us sharing an apartment, but my sister said no to that pretty quickly. It hurt my feelings quite a bit--I know we're not friends or anything more than two people who grew up in the same house together, but still. I need a place to live over in that direction, she now needs a place over in that direction...it'd be cheaper for us to be paying for one apartment together than two apartments separately. And I'd be close to IADT for classes, and Trinity to visit my friends. I'm going to try talking to my mom about it later, and maybe she can talk to my sister. I know my school is in Tampa, but it's not far from New Port Richey, either. I could deal. It's only about a half hour drive...and the traffic isn't half as bad as it is here in Poinciana.

[ By the way, I don't agree with my sister living with her boyfriend, but for the most part, I've given up trying to be friend with or interfere in my sister's life (even if there's good reason behind doing so).]

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After a lot of praying, and research into a few alternate possibilites in case the issues with IADT's financial aid are not resolved soon, I believe I may have found a solution. No, not a solution--a decent alternative that I am ready and willing to give my whole heart to. Since I was little, I have felt pulled towards acting, dancing, and singing (and in that order). In the past, I have made a little attempt to fulfill my dreams of becoming an actress, on stage or on camera, with no results. I'm not surprised, really, because the effort I put into it as I was pitiful. However, I needed that time just to be me--without the pressue of auditioning for role after role, and performing. I needed time just to train at my local high school (Performing Arts, no doubt). And I needed to grow up, and realize that life isn't a fairytale--and learn how to deal with the ups and downs.

It's been three years since I graduated from high school, and about three years since I've gotten the opportunity to perform. In the last three years, I have grown up more than I could realize as it was happening. I had my heartbroken numerous times by the same silly boy, learned to live on my own away from my parents (a dorm, but still away from home, nonetheless), and dealt with the loss of a grandparent (I'd never had a family member pass away until my grandmother passed.) This past week, I came to the realization that I miss acting, and I miss performing. So what I've decided is that I may stay at home with my parents while taking some classes at the local community college, and booking auditions (to the best of my abilities). And even if the IADT issues resolve themselves...perhaps I'll be able to work my way through college by acting in student films in the area? I don't know. What I do know is that right now, my heart is in performing. Wish me luck; I'm off to memorize a few monologues to use in my future auditions!

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My frustrations with the IADT financial aid office are beginning to drive me mad. I can't help but start considering alternative options for what I want to do with my life at this point..I certainly cannot return to Trinity at this point, although I suppose it's possible. I feel that I've gotten all I can out of the college, though, and have no desire to return other than friendly visits to former classmates.

One of the options I've been thinking about for the last couple of days is modeling/acting. I've been approached numerous times by various agents and/or agencies but was unable to sign for various reasons. One of which was that I was still in middle/high school, the other major reason being my mother. (Not that she doesn't support a possible career in the industry, as far as I know, but because of other personal reasons.)

I guess one of the reasons I'm so nostalgic about those times when I was approached by an agent, or even considering the possibility is because I have a lot of regrets about not having seized those opportunities. I wonder...do I still have a shot? I hear many, many people that inform I still do, but I don't know. I want to find out and know.

Another reason I'm considering the possibility may have to do with the fact that my friends little sister, who is still in high school, recently signed with a modeling agency and went on a commercial shoot today. I have to say that I am jealous of her, for seizing her opportunity while she had the chance. I wish I'd have taken the chance to be in her shoes.

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Wow. I was just reviewing a few old posts in this blog, and I'm amazed at how scattered I've placed the entries. I think that's due to owning more than one blog, and posting at more than one site. I must apologize to anyone who reads this blog on a consistent basis, and thus remains confused about many details of my life that I seem to have left out, unintentionally. I can't imagine anyone does read this blog on a regular basis given the lack of details and updates, but if there is even one person out there, this apology is for you. I'm truly sorry and I hope to do better in the future. After all, there aren't many other sites that offer revenue in exchange for blogging. This is certainly the best one for it!

And for those who may be reading my blog for the first time, Hi! I'm Laura, and will be starting school at the International Academy of Design and Technology in Tampa this October. I will be studying fashion design, and I will be posting updates about my life as a design student here in the blog, so remember to stay tuned. My current dilemma? Financing the cost of school and finding an apartment to live in while I attend fashion school.

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